Communication and  Expectation 

Expectations – reality = Disappointment. 

Yet, for many of us, despite this, our hearts remain resilient and full, continuing to hope for the best and then expect the best in others, even if logic tells us we shouldn’t. 

I’ve told myself for years to expect nothing or expect less. But expectations come standard with a giver’s heart and seemingly impossibly to let go of as an eternal optimist. 

It’s not that you want to always expect something back if you have given to others, on a petty level. It’s that you expect the best in others and hope they care for you as much as you do for them and that you will be wowed buy their ability to “get you.” 

That one day, someone will sort-of just read your mind and come through for you. Yes, hope and expectations go together. They go together more than hope and denial, as I’ve heard the phrase many a time. 

Having expectations does not have to be bad. It does not mean you are ignoring or denying an alternate truth. It means you have standards and a threshold one must meet to show you they are present and listening to your needs. 

The problem with expectations is when you take someone’s failure to live up to that expectation on a personal level. When you feel so let down that you internalize their reasoning for falling short, as if it was done intentionally in order to hurt you. 
Expectations may always be a red-alert zone for likely disappointment, but it can be helped and improved ten-fold if you learn to open up and begin feeling more comfortable with communicating your expectations with others. 

A main reason others cannot meet your expectations is because they do not know what you expect of them. 

Another reason in some cases is that they literally cannot meet or achieve it. But usually it is the fore mentioned; they do not know or do not remember. 

This is true for marriage and relationships as well as in business. If a person has failed to share what he/she expects and hopes for, then it really is a long shot in the dark whether or not the other person is able to meet it. 

Imagine how much better it would be if a customer told the sales person what they expected and hoped for in the sales process, enabling the sales person to strive to meet and exceed those needs, thus, making certain to close the sale. 

Imagine if your partner told you exactly what would make them feel happy or appreciated. Perhaps it is significantly less than you would  have thought and you could simply fulfill their expectations above and beyond quite easily. 

Imagine if you could make your friends feel supported, loved and cared for, just by communicating and asking what it is that they need from you this week or month. 

But we fail to ask often enough, if at all. We fail to share and communicate honestly with others close to us and suffer from feeling misunderstood or disappointed. 

I do believe in the equation of expectation – reality = disappointment, and there may be many times where this continues to happen. But it does not have to happen as often as it does. It does not have to plague your friendship, relationship or transaction. We can do better, together, if you’re willing to give open communication a try. 

The biggest issue remains that communication is a two-way street. Both parties need to be able to communicate outward and receive. If you are bold enough to share your hopes with another and they are not listening, we are back to square one. 

So what can you do? Help get this message out. Share this blog with those you love and with those people you wish to have a stronger relationship with, free of disappointment, resentment and miscommunication. 

Tell your spouse or partner or friend what’s in your heart and what you need for them to do. 
***Remember, however, that happiness is an inside job and nobody should be responsible for keeping you happy as a whole. You have to set proper expectations with yourself as well. That’s step one. But it IS also okay to have expectations in your life and to expect from others, just don’t make them guess what the expectation is at the same time.

Thought? Feel free to share your feelings on this topic in the comments! 

Written by Katya J.

Buzzword Consulting 

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Do Your Relationships Need A Little Feng Shui?

By Katya Juliet

We know every relationship requires positive energy and mutual efforts in order to stay healthy. But what if, regardless of all your effort and energy, your relationships at home or work were still being negatively impacted just because your interior decorating skills? No, I’m not suggesting you go out and completely remodel your home. But do consider how your environment is laid out and what affects could be at play.

Within the realm of interpersonal relationships and communication, there is something called Microenvironmental Features, which generally states that the environment around you has specific subtle effects on levels of personal attraction and the liking of others. Everything from the color of the walls and lighting to the materials and facing-direction of your furniture can cause your relationship to further unite or even polarize.

Communication research within the book Close Encounters (3rd edition, Guerrero, Anderson and Afifi) states “Environments that encourage interaction by providing a cozy atmosphere can promote attraction. Environments that put people face-to-face in close proximity can also enhance attraction. And the emotions people experience due to the environment can also be related to attraction.”

Part of what contributes to this is something called The Reinforcement Affect Model. This is where the environment itself is producing the subtle positive emotions that transfer to those interacting within that environment. Specifically, “people unconsciously associate the feelings they experience in a particular environment with the individuals who are a part of that environment.” (Close Encounters, p.71)

gallery_first kiss_gallery

Consider the world of dating. If you feel extremely uncomfortable in your environment, would you be more or less likely to open up and share personal information or even a first kiss? Most likely, not. Comfort, emotions and levels of attractiveness come hand in hand. So, if you entered an environment on a first or second date that felt cozy, inviting and even exciting, the likeliness of a third, fourth or fifth date just got a lot higher.

Now consider this same concept but in your home with your partner or even at work with your coworkers. Both of these environments are ones in which we become so used to, the mere routine of it all can give the impression it is not having any effect on your life or relationships at all. But research now indicates that all those microenvironmental features, when done correctly, can substantially help the feelings of attraction and liking and therefore, contribute to a happier and more fulfilling relationship.

So, what should you do with this information? Take a look around. Notice the emotions and feelings you have while inside your home or office. Are they positive, negative or neutral? Could they be enhanced?

Next, consider the state of your relationships with those around you. When it comes to your shared environment:

  • Is your living environment set up so that you and your partner constantly face opposite directions and are located at great distances apart? Or is eye contact and even the “accidental” brushing against one another when passing in the hall happening relatively frequently?
  • Does your company sit in an isolated area or in a central location?
  • Do you keep your curtains and windows open or closed?
  • Are the doors to different rooms constantly closed? Are there certain rooms in your home kept private, away from your partner?

The list could go on and on. The point is, reflect. Pay attention. Pinpoint your emotions as you move from room to room. See if the environment in which you spend most of your time is helping or hindering the development of your relationships. It is true that people feel fonder to those who they find attractive. So, if just a few small tweaks of your living room can help the feelings of positivity and attractiveness flow… I say, go for it.

Thank you for following and sharing iflourish.

blackBLOGO-coral-grey-beigeFor additional support or consulting services, feel free to contact Katya Juliet through her business website, Buzzword-Consulting. Buzzword Consulting offers affordable digital marketing services, communication consulting, copywriting, PR & Social Media Management for small businesses, start-ups, entrepreneurs & non-profit Organizations. 

Get people Buzzing About Your Business!

EXTRA: Not related to the interpersonal communication element directly, but I have also heard great things about Color Therapy, in where the colors themselves are doing the communication. Incorporating this concept as well could help as you consider changing a few things around within your home or office environment. Here is an intro link to this form another blog titled Art Therapy, as well as a few images just in case you find this topic interesting.)

Thepsychofcolor colour therapy wheel

Wake Up Tomorrow Stronger And Closer To Your Goals

By Katya Juliet

I absolutely loved this and had to share.

Recently, I have been writing about positive self-talk as a base to communicate and build stronger relationships with others. That includes relationships in the professional world. In business, we know just how important a skill it is to build lasting networking relationships that will help grow and evolve our businesses most effectively. To do this takes focus and dedication. I feel the article I am about to share with you is a great resource for anyone who is looking to refocus, rebalance and officially make positive progress within his or her busy professional lives.

How To Transform Your Life in 6 Minutes a Day, by Hal Elrod, was featured on Entrepreneur.com on 10/3/14. This article walks you through a wonderful new way to start your day, while getting in some of the most positive, self-affirming and personal development best practices out there today.

Click on the link to view entire article and detailed instructions. Here is an excerpt and overview of Elrod’s acronym “SAVERS”:

How To Transform Your Life in 6 Minutes a Day

But who has time for that, right? Luckily, there is a method to do it in as little as six minutes a day. Enter the life SAVERS, a sequence that combines the six most effective personal development practices known to man. While someone could invest hours on these practices, it only takes one minute for each — or six minutes total — to see extraordinary results. Just imagine if the first six minutes of every morning began like this:

  • Minute 1: S is for silence.

  • Minute 2: A is for Affirmations.

  • Minute 3. V is for visualization.

  • Minute 4. E is for exercise.

  • Minute 5. R is for reading.

Although we do see these same methods promoted by others, most of them emphasize putting in at least 30 minutes of journaling or reading at night, for example. Which is just a constant struggle for many of us as entrepreneurs, parents, and professionals because of the time element alone. The 30 minute + methods can be risky for two reasons. First, if we are unable to find that suggested amount of uninterrupted time, it can be easy to give up on self-improvement techniques and second, even the added stress of feeling like you have failed to accomplish one more thing can send one spiraling down a less productive or stagnant path. Don’t let that be you.

This 6 minute wake up routine may be the best way to finally transform your busy life and transcend your personal development. Want to wake up every day feeling stronger and closer to your goals? Take a look and see if this might be right for you!

Hal

 

TOPIC:

How To Transform Your Life in 6 Minutes a Day

Thank you for following and sharing iflourish. Have a beautiful day!

 

 

blackBLOGO-coral-grey-beigeFor additional support or consulting services, feel free to contact Katya Juliet through her business website, Buzzword-Consulting. Buzzword Consulting offers affordable digital marketing services, communication consulting, copywriting, PR & Social Media Management for small businesses, start-ups, entrepreneurs & non-profit Organizations. 

Get people Buzzing About Your Business!