FLY GOALS 

We have all heard of SMART goals but have you heard about FLY Goals? 

Why are goals so important? There is nothing better than the feeling of inspiration and excitement about a new goal or idea. Without goals, it becomes much harder to achieve your dreams, no matter how big or small. 

“Set a goal that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning.”

Goal setting is important and powerful on its own, but FLY goals will take it all to the next level as you work towards building your best self.

Let’s back track for a moment. What is a goal?

 “A goal is the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.”

Here are 10 reasons why setting goals are important:

1. Goals help you stay focused. 

2. Goals help you measure your progress and results. 

3. Goals help you avoid the pitfalls of distraction and procrastination. 

4. Goals help you stay motivated. 

5. Goals help you find your purpose. 

6. Goals help you celebrate success and milestones. 

7. Goals help you uncover hidden strengths. 

8. Goals help you identify and overcome obstacles in your way.

9. Goals help you evolve and grow. 

10. Goals help you achieve things you never thought possible. 

Remember SMART goals? 

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely. I have always been a huge fan of utilizing this method of goal setting when it comes to coaching  and sales. 

But when it comes to your life’s dream or a big risk, I think it’s critical to push yourself beyond SMART goal reasoning and practice what I like to call, FLY goals. 

SMART goals play it safe. They make you ask if something is realistic or achievable. But when it comes to our biggest hopes and dreams many people would get to that step and begin to doubt themselves. 

FLY goals force you to take that leap of faith. 

You have a dream. A spark. An idea. You want to start a business. Take a huge risk. These are all moments in your life when basic goals and smart goals can begin to stifle you as self-doubt and fear settle in. That’s why you need to set goals using the FLY goal test. 


WHAT ARE FLY GOALS? FLY stands for: 

F – Fiercely

L – Loving 

Y – Yourself

You set a goal. A big one. A passionate one. 

Now, make sure it passes the FLY goal test. 

  • Is this a goal that was made fiercely, staring your fear in the face and saying “no way, not today!” and setting out to make it happen?
  • Is this a goal that supports the love you have for yourself, your self-worth and your confidence? 
  • Is this a goal that pushes you to become your best self? Are you pumping yourself up with YOLO’s and You Go Girls (or boys) and saying YES! 

Fiercely Loving Yourself. It doesn’t always come easily. We are our own worst critics. We love the day dream and hype but in order to make it our reality we must force ourselves to become much stronger; take bigger risks and push ourselves to withstand the inevitable case of self-doubt waiting seeping in. 

Fiercely Loving Yourself. It’s what separates you from those who do not chase their dreams. It’s the difference between inviting value and honor into your daily life and settling  

Without active goals setting in our lives (and revisiting and revamping them along the way), we risk losing our passions or purpose. 

SMART goals are helpful but may be too narrow a scope for some. Never limit yourself by applying the wrong model to what might be the most important decision of your life. 

Whether it’s trying something new, getting back into something old, or simply working on your state of mind, goals will keep you honest and on track. Add FLY goals into the equation and they will take you to the next level. 

So, what makes you feel inspired and excited? What makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning? What makes you want to FLY?

Written by Katya Juliet 

Buzzword Consulting 

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Communication and  Expectation 

Expectations – reality = Disappointment. 

Yet, for many of us, despite this, our hearts remain resilient and full, continuing to hope for the best and then expect the best in others, even if logic tells us we shouldn’t. 

I’ve told myself for years to expect nothing or expect less. But expectations come standard with a giver’s heart and seemingly impossibly to let go of as an eternal optimist. 

It’s not that you want to always expect something back if you have given to others, on a petty level. It’s that you expect the best in others and hope they care for you as much as you do for them and that you will be wowed buy their ability to “get you.” 

That one day, someone will sort-of just read your mind and come through for you. Yes, hope and expectations go together. They go together more than hope and denial, as I’ve heard the phrase many a time. 

Having expectations does not have to be bad. It does not mean you are ignoring or denying an alternate truth. It means you have standards and a threshold one must meet to show you they are present and listening to your needs. 

The problem with expectations is when you take someone’s failure to live up to that expectation on a personal level. When you feel so let down that you internalize their reasoning for falling short, as if it was done intentionally in order to hurt you. 
Expectations may always be a red-alert zone for likely disappointment, but it can be helped and improved ten-fold if you learn to open up and begin feeling more comfortable with communicating your expectations with others. 

A main reason others cannot meet your expectations is because they do not know what you expect of them. 

Another reason in some cases is that they literally cannot meet or achieve it. But usually it is the fore mentioned; they do not know or do not remember. 

This is true for marriage and relationships as well as in business. If a person has failed to share what he/she expects and hopes for, then it really is a long shot in the dark whether or not the other person is able to meet it. 

Imagine how much better it would be if a customer told the sales person what they expected and hoped for in the sales process, enabling the sales person to strive to meet and exceed those needs, thus, making certain to close the sale. 

Imagine if your partner told you exactly what would make them feel happy or appreciated. Perhaps it is significantly less than you would  have thought and you could simply fulfill their expectations above and beyond quite easily. 

Imagine if you could make your friends feel supported, loved and cared for, just by communicating and asking what it is that they need from you this week or month. 

But we fail to ask often enough, if at all. We fail to share and communicate honestly with others close to us and suffer from feeling misunderstood or disappointed. 

I do believe in the equation of expectation – reality = disappointment, and there may be many times where this continues to happen. But it does not have to happen as often as it does. It does not have to plague your friendship, relationship or transaction. We can do better, together, if you’re willing to give open communication a try. 

The biggest issue remains that communication is a two-way street. Both parties need to be able to communicate outward and receive. If you are bold enough to share your hopes with another and they are not listening, we are back to square one. 

So what can you do? Help get this message out. Share this blog with those you love and with those people you wish to have a stronger relationship with, free of disappointment, resentment and miscommunication. 

Tell your spouse or partner or friend what’s in your heart and what you need for them to do. 
***Remember, however, that happiness is an inside job and nobody should be responsible for keeping you happy as a whole. You have to set proper expectations with yourself as well. That’s step one. But it IS also okay to have expectations in your life and to expect from others, just don’t make them guess what the expectation is at the same time.

Thought? Feel free to share your feelings on this topic in the comments! 

Written by Katya J.

Buzzword Consulting 

State of Mind[fulness]

Sharing a wonderful quote by Marcus Aurelius: The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.

mind•ful•ness

Noun

1. the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
2. a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

I have always believed that mindset matters. Our minds are powerful beyond measure. Getting control over negative thinking and negative self-talk is the first step towards achieving your goals and becoming your best self.

We tell each other to count our blessings and look at the positives, but it’s easier said than done. Sometimes you have to wait for the storm to pass before the sun is primed to peak through the clouds. Don’t be afraid to weather the storm. To go through the darkness, to experience the pain, to touch complete failure.

It is with those deeply tragic moments that we rebirth ourselves into stronger, more courageous, mindful and empathetic individuals.

Always remember that your pain is your gift in the world. Your journey and story matters. Stay the course. ❤️

Written by Katya J

Buzzword Consulting

Real Talk About Small Talk 


Small Talk. If you don’t like it, you’re not alone. In fact, 92% of Americans say they feel uncomfortable during “small talk” conversations and try to avoid them. Just kidding, I made that statistic up but it’s believable, right? I have never met a single person who says they enjoy small talk and try to avoid networking and other situations that require it. 

Why? Because it is artificial. From the moment it begins, signature small talk feels like it puts a boundary and limitation around the potential of the conversation. People who like to communicate feel limited and unnatural and people who don’t like to communicate by nature feel forced and awkward.

 

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Ick! Boring, awkward and often pointless since it usually ends with no deeper connection and both parties departing feeling indifferent. Small talk is just the only way most of us learned how to connect with others around us. It was the only way we learned to “break the ice.”
But the truth is, we have been silently guided by our society to never go “too deep too soon” or be obvious in our quest to connect with the community around us. Because “Hi, I feel like talking to you right now,” “I need more friends,” or “Hello, you look nice and I long for human interaction” would come across as overly needy and flat out strange.
So what can we do? Lets use our awareness on this issue and activate our communication skills to turn the dreaded small talk into small acts of kindness.
Lets think about this for a moment. What is the goal? If the goal is to connect, to begin something new or just to pass the time together in a more positive and less awkward way, why not use that time to make each other feel better and happier?
People communicate to make connections with other people. To feel good. Feel Important. Needed. Noticed.
Next time, try to ditch the small talk and use one of these ideas below. Notice how you feel. Does the person react differently to you? Does the conversation elevate? Do you feel better or worse? Was it more or less comfortable?
As with anything new, practice is important. So play around with this and try it often. After some initial adjustments, you will find yourself feeling more confident and comfortable in any surrounding, sans small talk!

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 A genuine compliment is so easy to give and yet we rarely do it. It makes other people feel amazing just hearing a few nice words, especially when they least expect it. You can compliment someone on their looks or something they have. But you can also compliment someone on how they behave.

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Now as a caution, this can backfire if your compliments are not appropriate for your environment. Complimenting someone is not the same as flirtation.
The goal is to make someone else feel good, not uncomfortable.

 
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 People like to feel needed, helpful and appreciated. While sometimes you really need to ask someone a question, this can also be a communication method to help break the ice.
Also, many people enjoy talking about themselves, so asking them a question or follow-up question and practicing your listening skills is a great way to come off as an expert communicator.

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If you don’t know what questions to ask, you can always work on generic follow-up questions that help open up a conversation deeper. The goal is to ask something that is open-ended and makes the other person engage a bit more.
The key with this is knowing when to stop. Asking too many questions can make people shy away or close up. Asking one or two open-ended questions that make people feel interesting and valued is perfect.
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Hold a door open, hand someone them a straw or a napkin. Let someone running late or with children cut in line ahead of you while in a long line. Small random acts of kindness are rare these days and really makes you stand out as a good, generous and kind person — with almost no effort.
Plus, you never know who you might bump into or connect with. Offering something simple to another person could open the door to a business card, new dream job or relationship!
Again, appropriateness is key. Offer to hold the door open at the store or coffee shop, not their apartment.
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 Non verbal communication is 90% of what you communicate to others. It is amazing how often we skip an opportunity to connect with other people around us.
We keep our heads down, don’t smile or connect with eye contact. Some of this is a learned behavior to stay safe from strangers when vulnerable, but it was not intended to be the norm. Mobile and electronic devices contribute heavily to this issue, but it’s also just become a bad habit. But more important to be aware of, it may be that you keep from making eye contact and smiling at others because you don’t want to be seen. Because you fear being noticed or, circling back to the initial topic, dislike small talk and awkward beginnings.

Large group of people with their thumbs up.
Just try it again. Smile. Light up your face. Connect with eye contact and confidently say “Hi” or “Hello, have a great day!” You will be surprised how good it feels to do this and how positively others respond to it and to you. Because fundamentally, people do crave connections and communication more deeply than they realize.
Today, many signals get mixed up. Social media provides an artificial social scene providing attention, but minimal connection. Someone who may be craving a feeling connection and validation may instead seek a new relationship or sexual experience, when all they really needed was a compliment or to be noticed.
Just as we can mistake thirst for hunger, we can confuse our very normal inner desire to connect with others as loneliness or isolation. Affirm today that you want to contribute to a better community and work on turning boring small talk into small acts of kindness to make someone’s day!

By Katya Juliet Buzzword Consulting

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Relationship 101 – The 3 C’s 


Relationship 101: The 3C’s

Keeping this very short and simple. Only to serve  as a quick reminder before the new week. Make someone’s day! Show your loved ones that you care, even when life gets busy. Communication is  always the key…

1. Communication is the key to everything. It’s a two-way street, and 90% of what you communicate is non-verbal. Pay attention to your expressions, body language & practice listening to listen vs. to respond. 

2. Compliments go a long way. It can make someone’s day and change the chemistry in the room & body. Compliments show that you are present & paying attention. 

3. Have compassion for what other people experience. Take the time to show you care. Compassion is kindness, even when it’s not convenient to you. 

#relationship101 #communication101


🐝 Katya Lerner | Buzzword Consulting 

Choose Your Own Adventure 

As a child I remember driving from Oregon to California with my family in the car, windows down with hot air blasting as we had no AC. Mid way through our travels we always stopped in a small town to stretch our legs, fill up the car with gas and eat a snack. That town had a book store and that book store sold “Choose Your Own Adventure” stories, where you are the star of the story. 

As the reader, you got to choose at the end of each chapter what the story did next and then skip to that section of the book to find out what happens based on your choice. It was so much fun getting to participate in the outcome and not just being stuck reading a story without any input.

Making choices was thrilling. Part of the excitement as children growing up is that one day we get to start making our own independent decisions. We empower our children by letting them choose one of two options in an effort to help guide them. But then we grow up and many times want to run from the very responsibility. 

I was talking with a friend the other day who was struggling to make a decision about something important in her life. “I wish I did not have to make a decision for myself. I wish someone else would choose for me,” she said

I have heard that said before by others and I’m pretty sure that I have said that in the past as well. It is becuase at times we feel overwhelmed with the amount of choices and decisions we are faced with throughout our lives.

But the power of choice and taking ownership of our path is the most thrilling and critical part of our achievements in life. 

If life was completely destined and our choices did not matter, life would lose meaning. If we only took a reactive path, our life would feel boring and pointless. Part of what makes us unique is our ability to choose. Part of what helps people survive and not give up is our ability decide who, what, where, when and why. So why would any of us want to give that up? 

Because it feels hard. 

We are emotional creatures and our choices effect other people around us. It feels hard to make a choice that may emotionally hurt another person. It also feels hard to make a decision that could possibly cause ourselves to feel pain. It feels hard when we can’t accurately predict the future or total outcome. Making our own choices means taking risks and taking an adventure to an unknown destination. 

If we were to let go of the opportunity to choose and give up that adventure, allowing others to make our decisions for us, then what’s the point? 

Sometimes it feels easier to wish and hope for a sign of what to do, but they won’t always come. I once prayed for someone to show up at my front door and hand me the manual to my life, telling me exactly how to fix something. But then, would I really be living? 

Getting the answers handed to you essentially ends the adventure of your life and you would lose your desire to build and thrive over time. Instead, the inevitable default would be that life become a reaction field of victimhood and confusion. 

By making choices, we claim the drivers seat in the car of our lives. We live empowered and free. So, how can we make this process of making important decisions feel a little less hard? 

First, try to indicate whether this choice has to be governed by your mind or your heart.

Even if you consider yourself someone who is guided more by one or the other, you cannot let both of them take priority at the same time. The mind/heart clash is part of the struggle in the first place. To take that challenge off your plate the first action is to chose mind or heart. (You can use both to guide you, but one has to take the lead.) 

Next, try writing down a list:

  • Your ultimate Goal related to this choice 
  • Your Top 3 priorities in life now 
  • Your Top 3 priorities in life future 
  • Your Top 2 obstacles 
  • What you’re afraid of 
  • Your emotions (i.e. Confused, worried, challenged, sad, etc.) 

After you create your list, evaluate it. What does the list tell you? Does it help you move in one direction over another? Were you honest? Did you write down what you really feel or think you should feel? It might take you a few tries. 

If you are still struggling after your list, I recommend a personal role-play or daydream, if you will. Play out the situation 2 different ways, not in your head, but out-loud verbally and write it down. What does the cause and effect scenario look like visually? How does it sound? How do others react? How does it make you feel? Do you like it? Where do you end up? 

Communication is not just an important skill set with others. You communicate with yourself  24/7, consciously and unconsciously. How do you communicate with yourself? Is your tone typically negative and pessimistic? Encouraging and supportive? Worried and stressed? 

Talking, writing and drawing yourself through various feelings and obstacles can help you get out from feeling stuck and back on the road to making key choices that will get you closer to the life of your dreams. 

But, regret. 

Ah, the fear and worry of regret is often what keeps us in a state of paralysis when needing to make an important choice. 

But what if the biggest regret of your life ended up not being because of a choice you made, but rather from your inability to make choices along the way. Letting fear and worry win. 

Non action, while it could technically can be considered a choice, is really you just sitting idly by, letting the world around you effect your life over and over. 

Make a choice. Be bold and courageous. Be adventurous. I’m not saying you have to live a wild life. Life can be adventurous and simple at the same time. It just has to be yours. You have to own it. You GET to own it though a series of choices. You get to be the star in the story of you.

 
May 10th, 2017 | Katya Lerner
Buzzword Consulting

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The Lost Art Of Listening 

Focus outward. If asking questions, giving compliments and listening are not your strengths, it’s time to practice! 

Take notes – write down some good opening questions and general compliments you can practice making while meeting and networking with others. 

Listen without thinking of your response and simply take a genuine interest in what others have to say. You will make them feel important and they will want to communicate with you again in the future. 

While communication is a two-way system, it is not always necessary to communicate verbally. 

Especially when learning about someone new, listening and other forms of non-verbal communication, such as eye-contact, head nodding, body language, smiling and so on, is often received more positively than listening to immediately reply with a personal story or reference. 

Most of us are so focused on what we are thinking about, what we’re going to say next or want to say in response, that we lose sight of the importance of listening to what others have to say. We lose sight of how our never-ending words and lack of effective listening affects other people.

Take time to listen and learn about others and they will then in return take a genuine interest in you as well. Sometimes the two-way construct confuses people into thinking both parties need to be continuously talking back and forth. 

Listening is a critical skill in business and personal life that is significantly under-practiced. If you listen with greater focus, you will most likely find it easier to respond with more thoughtful questions and insight, and in turn, improve your social network & circle of friends. 


Katya Lerner | Buzword-Consulting.com 

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