What would you like your Social Media experience to be in 2018? I have heard many people share they want to delete their accounts or use it less because it has become a distraction to them, or worse, a negative element in their life. People crave community and attention. Most of all, they want to connect with others. While social media enables you to do this, the indulgence and addiction of platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and Instagram has created the illusion of connection while fueling ones own desire for more attention and popularity. The problem with that is when people start to feel frustrated, lonely or depressed due to them *thinking* they are using social media to connect, yet their expectations have shifted from a normal give-and-take relationship into just wanting the satisfaction and pacification of attention and popularity through likes, hearts, shares and compliments.
If you feel like you have fallen into this trap of feeling less and less satisfied with your social media experience, it might be time for you to re-evaluate your reasons and align your expectations differently in order to stay positive.
Imagine being at a party. In person. Would you demand all the attention and get mad if you didn’t get it? Or, would you utilize your social and communication skills in order to exchange energy, and give and take in conversation? Online should not be any different. If you want “likes” and positive engagement, you should be “liking” and dishing out positivity in comments or messages. If you want attention for your business page, you should be supporting other people’s business pages. If you want more engagement, you should engage more on other’s posts, period.
The more everyone focuses on their own needs and desires for attention and popularity, the less everyone will get. Just like the old saying, love is something when you give it away, the best way to gain attention and love in your online world is to give it to others.
As 2018 begins, I would take a moment to reflect a little about what you want to get out of social media, why, and also, set some limitations around your usage. Use it strategically for business at specific times, vs. all day anytime. Focus your energy outward and see if you can practice contributing as much as you ask others to pay attention to you. Most of all, seek balance. Find other activities that help you spend less time online and more time away from your devices in order to let your creativity and confidence reboot.
I hope everyone finds a positive experience for their social media usage. But if you are struggling and feeling like it has become a negative area of your life, I do hope this mini-blog helps you evaluate your mindset, social goals and overall expectations. Finally, never let social media become more important then the real community around you. Behind every profile image and post is a real person, including you, seeking acceptance, attention and love.
We have all heard of SMART goals but have you heard about FLY Goals?
Why are goals so important? There is nothing better than the feeling of inspiration and excitement about a new goal or idea. Without goals, it becomes much harder to achieve your dreams, no matter how big or small.
“Set a goal that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning.”
Goal setting is important and powerful on its own, but FLY goals will take it all to the next level as you work towards building your best self.
Let’s back track for a moment. What is a goal?
“A goal is the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.”
Here are 10 reasons why setting goals are important:
1. Goals help you stay focused.
2. Goals help you measure your progress and results.
3. Goals help you avoid the pitfalls of distraction and procrastination.
4. Goals help you stay motivated.
5. Goals help you find your purpose.
6. Goals help you celebrate success and milestones.
7. Goals help you uncover hidden strengths.
8. Goals help you identify and overcome obstacles in your way.
9. Goals help you evolve and grow.
10. Goals help you achieve things you never thought possible.
Remember SMART goals?
Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely. I have always been a huge fan of utilizing this method of goal setting when it comes to coaching and sales.
But when it comes to your life’s dream or a big risk, I think it’s critical to push yourself beyond SMART goal reasoning and practice what I like to call, FLY goals.
SMART goals play it safe. They make you ask if something is realistic or achievable. But when it comes to our biggest hopes and dreams many people would get to that step and begin to doubt themselves.
FLY goals force you to take that leap of faith.
You have a dream. A spark. An idea. You want to start a business. Take a huge risk. These are all moments in your life when basic goals and smart goals can begin to stifle you as self-doubt and fear settle in. That’s why you need to set goals using the FLY goal test.
F – Fiercely
L – Loving
Y – Yourself
You set a goal. A big one. A passionate one.
Now, make sure it passes the FLY goal test.
- Is this a goal that was made fiercely, staring your fear in the face and saying “no way, not today!” and setting out to make it happen?
- Is this a goal that supports the love you have for yourself, your self-worth and your confidence?
- Is this a goal that pushes you to become your best self? Are you pumping yourself up with YOLO’s and You Go Girls (or boys) and saying YES!
Fiercely Loving Yourself. It doesn’t always come easily. We are our own worst critics. We love the day dream and hype but in order to make it our reality we must force ourselves to become much stronger; take bigger risks and push ourselves to withstand the inevitable case of self-doubt waiting seeping in.
Fiercely Loving Yourself. It’s what separates you from those who do not chase their dreams. It’s the difference between inviting value and honor into your daily life and settling
Without active goals setting in our lives (and revisiting and revamping them along the way), we risk losing our passions or purpose.
SMART goals are helpful but may be too narrow a scope for some. Never limit yourself by applying the wrong model to what might be the most important decision of your life.
Whether it’s trying something new, getting back into something old, or simply working on your state of mind, goals will keep you honest and on track. Add FLY goals into the equation and they will take you to the next level.
So, what makes you feel inspired and excited? What makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning? What makes you want to FLY?
Written by Katya Juliet
Expectations – reality = Disappointment.
Yet, for many of us, despite this, our hearts remain resilient and full, continuing to hope for the best and then expect the best in others, even if logic tells us we shouldn’t.
I’ve told myself for years to expect nothing or expect less. But expectations come standard with a giver’s heart and seemingly impossibly to let go of as an eternal optimist.
It’s not that you want to always expect something back if you have given to others, on a petty level. It’s that you expect the best in others and hope they care for you as much as you do for them and that you will be wowed buy their ability to “get you.”
That one day, someone will sort-of just read your mind and come through for you. Yes, hope and expectations go together. They go together more than hope and denial, as I’ve heard the phrase many a time.
Having expectations does not have to be bad. It does not mean you are ignoring or denying an alternate truth. It means you have standards and a threshold one must meet to show you they are present and listening to your needs.
The problem with expectations is when you take someone’s failure to live up to that expectation on a personal level. When you feel so let down that you internalize their reasoning for falling short, as if it was done intentionally in order to hurt you.
Expectations may always be a red-alert zone for likely disappointment, but it can be helped and improved ten-fold if you learn to open up and begin feeling more comfortable with communicating your expectations with others.
A main reason others cannot meet your expectations is because they do not know what you expect of them.
Another reason in some cases is that they literally cannot meet or achieve it. But usually it is the fore mentioned; they do not know or do not remember.
This is true for marriage and relationships as well as in business. If a person has failed to share what he/she expects and hopes for, then it really is a long shot in the dark whether or not the other person is able to meet it.
Imagine how much better it would be if a customer told the sales person what they expected and hoped for in the sales process, enabling the sales person to strive to meet and exceed those needs, thus, making certain to close the sale.
Imagine if your partner told you exactly what would make them feel happy or appreciated. Perhaps it is significantly less than you would have thought and you could simply fulfill their expectations above and beyond quite easily.
Imagine if you could make your friends feel supported, loved and cared for, just by communicating and asking what it is that they need from you this week or month.
But we fail to ask often enough, if at all. We fail to share and communicate honestly with others close to us and suffer from feeling misunderstood or disappointed.
I do believe in the equation of expectation – reality = disappointment, and there may be many times where this continues to happen. But it does not have to happen as often as it does. It does not have to plague your friendship, relationship or transaction. We can do better, together, if you’re willing to give open communication a try.
The biggest issue remains that communication is a two-way street. Both parties need to be able to communicate outward and receive. If you are bold enough to share your hopes with another and they are not listening, we are back to square one.
So what can you do? Help get this message out. Share this blog with those you love and with those people you wish to have a stronger relationship with, free of disappointment, resentment and miscommunication.
Tell your spouse or partner or friend what’s in your heart and what you need for them to do.
***Remember, however, that happiness is an inside job and nobody should be responsible for keeping you happy as a whole. You have to set proper expectations with yourself as well. That’s step one. But it IS also okay to have expectations in your life and to expect from others, just don’t make them guess what the expectation is at the same time.
Thought? Feel free to share your feelings on this topic in the comments!
Written by Katya J.
Sharing a wonderful quote by Marcus Aurelius: The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.
1. the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
2. a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
I have always believed that mindset matters. Our minds are powerful beyond measure. Getting control over negative thinking and negative self-talk is the first step towards achieving your goals and becoming your best self.
We tell each other to count our blessings and look at the positives, but it’s easier said than done. Sometimes you have to wait for the storm to pass before the sun is primed to peak through the clouds. Don’t be afraid to weather the storm. To go through the darkness, to experience the pain, to touch complete failure.
It is with those deeply tragic moments that we rebirth ourselves into stronger, more courageous, mindful and empathetic individuals.
Always remember that your pain is your gift in the world. Your journey and story matters. Stay the course. ❤️
Written by Katya J
Small Talk. If you don’t like it, you’re not alone. In fact, 92% of Americans say they feel uncomfortable during “small talk” conversations and try to avoid them. Just kidding, I made that statistic up but it’s believable, right? I have never met a single person who says they enjoy small talk and try to avoid networking and other situations that require it.
Why? Because it is artificial. From the moment it begins, signature small talk feels like it puts a boundary and limitation around the potential of the conversation. People who like to communicate feel limited and unnatural and people who don’t like to communicate by nature feel forced and awkward.
Ick! Boring, awkward and often pointless since it usually ends with no deeper connection and both parties departing feeling indifferent. Small talk is just the only way most of us learned how to connect with others around us. It was the only way we learned to “break the ice.”
But the truth is, we have been silently guided by our society to never go “too deep too soon” or be obvious in our quest to connect with the community around us. Because “Hi, I feel like talking to you right now,” “I need more friends,” or “Hello, you look nice and I long for human interaction” would come across as overly needy and flat out strange.
So what can we do? Lets use our awareness on this issue and activate our communication skills to turn the dreaded small talk into small acts of kindness.
Lets think about this for a moment. What is the goal? If the goal is to connect, to begin something new or just to pass the time together in a more positive and less awkward way, why not use that time to make each other feel better and happier?
People communicate to make connections with other people. To feel good. Feel Important. Needed. Noticed.
Next time, try to ditch the small talk and use one of these ideas below. Notice how you feel. Does the person react differently to you? Does the conversation elevate? Do you feel better or worse? Was it more or less comfortable?
As with anything new, practice is important. So play around with this and try it often. After some initial adjustments, you will find yourself feeling more confident and comfortable in any surrounding, sans small talk!
A genuine compliment is so easy to give and yet we rarely do it. It makes other people feel amazing just hearing a few nice words, especially when they least expect it. You can compliment someone on their looks or something they have. But you can also compliment someone on how they behave.
Now as a caution, this can backfire if your compliments are not appropriate for your environment. Complimenting someone is not the same as flirtation.
The goal is to make someone else feel good, not uncomfortable.
People like to feel needed, helpful and appreciated. While sometimes you really need to ask someone a question, this can also be a communication method to help break the ice.
Also, many people enjoy talking about themselves, so asking them a question or follow-up question and practicing your listening skills is a great way to come off as an expert communicator.
If you don’t know what questions to ask, you can always work on generic follow-up questions that help open up a conversation deeper. The goal is to ask something that is open-ended and makes the other person engage a bit more.
The key with this is knowing when to stop. Asking too many questions can make people shy away or close up. Asking one or two open-ended questions that make people feel interesting and valued is perfect.
Hold a door open, hand someone them a straw or a napkin. Let someone running late or with children cut in line ahead of you while in a long line. Small random acts of kindness are rare these days and really makes you stand out as a good, generous and kind person — with almost no effort.
Plus, you never know who you might bump into or connect with. Offering something simple to another person could open the door to a business card, new dream job or relationship!
Again, appropriateness is key. Offer to hold the door open at the store or coffee shop, not their apartment.
Non verbal communication is 90% of what you communicate to others. It is amazing how often we skip an opportunity to connect with other people around us.
We keep our heads down, don’t smile or connect with eye contact. Some of this is a learned behavior to stay safe from strangers when vulnerable, but it was not intended to be the norm. Mobile and electronic devices contribute heavily to this issue, but it’s also just become a bad habit. But more important to be aware of, it may be that you keep from making eye contact and smiling at others because you don’t want to be seen. Because you fear being noticed or, circling back to the initial topic, dislike small talk and awkward beginnings.
Just try it again. Smile. Light up your face. Connect with eye contact and confidently say “Hi” or “Hello, have a great day!” You will be surprised how good it feels to do this and how positively others respond to it and to you. Because fundamentally, people do crave connections and communication more deeply than they realize.
Today, many signals get mixed up. Social media provides an artificial social scene providing attention, but minimal connection. Someone who may be craving a feeling connection and validation may instead seek a new relationship or sexual experience, when all they really needed was a compliment or to be noticed.
Just as we can mistake thirst for hunger, we can confuse our very normal inner desire to connect with others as loneliness or isolation. Affirm today that you want to contribute to a better community and work on turning boring small talk into small acts of kindness to make someone’s day!
By Katya Juliet Buzzword Consulting
Keeping this very short and simple. Only to serve as a quick reminder before the new week. Make someone’s day! Show your loved ones that you care, even when life gets busy. Communication is always the key…
1. Communication is the key to everything. It’s a two-way street, and 90% of what you communicate is non-verbal. Pay attention to your expressions, body language & practice listening to listen vs. to respond.
2. Compliments go a long way. It can make someone’s day and change the chemistry in the room & body. Compliments show that you are present & paying attention.
3. Have compassion for what other people experience. Take the time to show you care. Compassion is kindness, even when it’s not convenient to you.
🐝 Katya Lerner | Buzzword Consulting