Have you fallen into this Social Media Trap?

What would you like your Social Media experience to be in 2018? I have heard many people share they want to delete their accounts or use it less because it has become a distraction to them, or worse, a negative element in their life. People crave community and attention. Most of all, they want to connect with others. While social media enables you to do this, the indulgence and addiction of platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and Instagram has created the illusion of connection while fueling ones own desire for more attention and popularity. The problem with that is when people start to feel frustrated, lonely or depressed due to them *thinking* they are using social media to connect, yet their expectations have shifted from a normal give-and-take relationship into just wanting the satisfaction and pacification of attention and popularity through likes, hearts, shares and compliments.

If you feel like you have fallen into this trap of feeling less and less satisfied with your social media experience, it might be time for you to re-evaluate your reasons and align your expectations differently in order to stay positive.

Imagine being at a party. In person. Would you demand all the attention and get mad if you didn’t get it? Or, would you utilize your social and communication skills in order to exchange energy, and give and take in conversation? Online should not be any different. If you want “likes” and positive engagement, you should be “liking” and dishing out positivity in comments or messages. If you want attention for your business page, you should be supporting other people’s business pages. If you want more engagement, you should engage more on other’s posts, period.

The more everyone focuses on their own needs and desires for attention and popularity, the less everyone will get. Just like the old saying, love is something when you give it away, the best way to gain attention and love in your online world is to give it to others.

As 2018 begins, I would take a moment to reflect a little about what you want to get out of social media, why, and also, set some limitations around your usage. Use it strategically for business at specific times, vs. all day anytime. Focus your energy outward and see if you can practice contributing as much as you ask others to pay attention to you. Most of all, seek balance. Find other activities that help you spend less time online and more time away from your devices in order to let your creativity and confidence reboot.

I hope everyone finds a positive experience for their social media usage. But if you are struggling and feeling like it has become a negative area of your life, I do hope this mini-blog helps you evaluate your mindset, social goals and overall expectations. Finally, never let social media become more important then the real community around you. Behind every profile image and post is a real person, including you, seeking acceptance, attention and love.

http://www.Buzzword-Consulting.com

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FLY GOALS 

We have all heard of SMART goals but have you heard about FLY Goals? 

Why are goals so important? There is nothing better than the feeling of inspiration and excitement about a new goal or idea. Without goals, it becomes much harder to achieve your dreams, no matter how big or small. 

“Set a goal that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning.”

Goal setting is important and powerful on its own, but FLY goals will take it all to the next level as you work towards building your best self.

Let’s back track for a moment. What is a goal?

 “A goal is the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.”

Here are 10 reasons why setting goals are important:

1. Goals help you stay focused. 

2. Goals help you measure your progress and results. 

3. Goals help you avoid the pitfalls of distraction and procrastination. 

4. Goals help you stay motivated. 

5. Goals help you find your purpose. 

6. Goals help you celebrate success and milestones. 

7. Goals help you uncover hidden strengths. 

8. Goals help you identify and overcome obstacles in your way.

9. Goals help you evolve and grow. 

10. Goals help you achieve things you never thought possible. 

Remember SMART goals? 

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely. I have always been a huge fan of utilizing this method of goal setting when it comes to coaching  and sales. 

But when it comes to your life’s dream or a big risk, I think it’s critical to push yourself beyond SMART goal reasoning and practice what I like to call, FLY goals. 

SMART goals play it safe. They make you ask if something is realistic or achievable. But when it comes to our biggest hopes and dreams many people would get to that step and begin to doubt themselves. 

FLY goals force you to take that leap of faith. 

You have a dream. A spark. An idea. You want to start a business. Take a huge risk. These are all moments in your life when basic goals and smart goals can begin to stifle you as self-doubt and fear settle in. That’s why you need to set goals using the FLY goal test. 


WHAT ARE FLY GOALS? FLY stands for: 

F – Fiercely

L – Loving 

Y – Yourself

You set a goal. A big one. A passionate one. 

Now, make sure it passes the FLY goal test. 

  • Is this a goal that was made fiercely, staring your fear in the face and saying “no way, not today!” and setting out to make it happen?
  • Is this a goal that supports the love you have for yourself, your self-worth and your confidence? 
  • Is this a goal that pushes you to become your best self? Are you pumping yourself up with YOLO’s and You Go Girls (or boys) and saying YES! 

Fiercely Loving Yourself. It doesn’t always come easily. We are our own worst critics. We love the day dream and hype but in order to make it our reality we must force ourselves to become much stronger; take bigger risks and push ourselves to withstand the inevitable case of self-doubt waiting seeping in. 

Fiercely Loving Yourself. It’s what separates you from those who do not chase their dreams. It’s the difference between inviting value and honor into your daily life and settling  

Without active goals setting in our lives (and revisiting and revamping them along the way), we risk losing our passions or purpose. 

SMART goals are helpful but may be too narrow a scope for some. Never limit yourself by applying the wrong model to what might be the most important decision of your life. 

Whether it’s trying something new, getting back into something old, or simply working on your state of mind, goals will keep you honest and on track. Add FLY goals into the equation and they will take you to the next level. 

So, what makes you feel inspired and excited? What makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning? What makes you want to FLY?

Written by Katya Juliet 

Buzzword Consulting 

State of Mind[fulness]

Sharing a wonderful quote by Marcus Aurelius: The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.

mind•ful•ness

Noun

1. the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
2. a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

I have always believed that mindset matters. Our minds are powerful beyond measure. Getting control over negative thinking and negative self-talk is the first step towards achieving your goals and becoming your best self.

We tell each other to count our blessings and look at the positives, but it’s easier said than done. Sometimes you have to wait for the storm to pass before the sun is primed to peak through the clouds. Don’t be afraid to weather the storm. To go through the darkness, to experience the pain, to touch complete failure.

It is with those deeply tragic moments that we rebirth ourselves into stronger, more courageous, mindful and empathetic individuals.

Always remember that your pain is your gift in the world. Your journey and story matters. Stay the course. ❤️

Written by Katya J

Buzzword Consulting

Forgiveness 101

By Katya Juliet

I wish Forgiveness 101 was a class taught in grade schools and high schools everywhere. We are so impressionable at those young ages and experience so many hurtful moments between friends. When you are not prepared to handle conflict and resolution, budding relationships full of passion and emotion can leave emotional scars and bruises for many years to come, thus affecting adult interactions and forming communication habits for better or for worse.

With the many close relationship we will encounter over the course of our lives, conflict is inevitable. But, while it takes two people (egos) to fight, it only takes one to forgive.

Forgiveness can be a natural tendency for some, but it is also a developed communication skill. For some relational behaviors, you can try to “fake it till you make it,” when you need to just get through a rough patch or situation. However, with forgiveness, it is a different story. If you say you forgive someone without genuinely doing so completely, unfortunately, you are the person who suffers.

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Forgiveness is often hard to do because of feeling like we give the other person power; asserting they were somehow right or helping them to feel better and not ourselves. Countless times I have heard friends complain they wish the other person, just once, would apologize and forgive them first. But instead, feel like they always have to be the one to initiate the process.

However, apologizing and forgiving are two very different things often lumped together in one broader category of conflict resolution. So, lets sort them out a little.

Within the textbook Close Encounters, Apologies are defined as “admissions of responsibility and regret for undesirable events.” (45, Communicating Identity: The Social Self) In other words, taking responsibility for a behavior and not avoiding the consequence of your actions.

Generally, when you apologize, it is you who has done something of harm to another, whether it was physical or emotional. When you are unwilling to apologize for your actions, you leave the relationship in a state of distress and the only option other than destruction is for the other person to be willing to forgive you. When neither takes place, a cycle of denial and avoidance will inevitably become a force for further conflict.

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Forgiveness can be defined as “a relational process” and not one single act like an apology. Forgiveness can be something one does for himself or herself or another person, but it is generally in dealing with harmful behavior done by someone other than you. The process of forgiveness is comprised of four different characteristics: acknowledgment of harmful conduct, an extension of undeserved mercy, an emotional transformation and relationship renegotiation. (322, Hurting the ones we love: Relational transgressions)

4 Characteristics of Forgiveness

Harmful Conduct: “For forgiveness to even be necessary, one or both partners must acknowledge that there has been a wrongdoing.”

Note that behavior that may be okay in one relationship may require forgiveness in another. Not all relationships are the same.

Extension of Undeserved Mercy: “The hurt person must make the decision to extend mercy to the partner. There is a paradoxical quality to forgiveness as the forgiver gives up the resentment, to which he or she has a right, and gives the gift of compassion, to which the offender has no right.”

This starts with saying “I forgive you,” (explicit forgiveness in its clearest form) but simply saying it is not enough. That is where the next two characteristics of forgiveness come in.

Emotional Transformation: “Forgiveness involves an emotion transformation that allows hurt individuals to let go of negative feelings.”

A normal reaction to being hurt is to seek revenge, restitution or avoidance, which can lead to ending a relationship. But in order to forgive you move beyond that impulse, in essence, letting that desire fully dissolve and instead act with positivity and compassion towards yourself and the other person. This could be summed up as “killing with kindness” or “taking the higher road.”

It is important to notice that when we don’t allow this third step of emotional transformation to occur, we are not hurting the other person back. It is truly ourselves who  suffer the most. Forgiveness is an act of setting yourself free from the continued emotional burden.

Relationship Renegotiation: “Forgiveness entails renegotiating the nature of one’s relationship, including rules and expectations for future behavior.” There was a study here that found around “28% of participants indicated that the relationship had returned to ‘normal,’ after forgiveness was granted, around 36% reported their relationship had deteriorated and around 32% strengthened. Thus, forgiveness does not guarantee reconciliation.”

It is here we find the power and importance of the renegotiation process and desire to do so by both or all individuals involved. If the newly negotiated areas of the relationship are not sufficient or one person is unwilling to move forward, the relationship will continue to struggle.

Connected to the renegotiation process is also how one communicates in the aftermath of conflict.

From an interpersonal communication perspective, active listening is just as important (if not more) as effectively communicating your own feelings and your non-verbal behaviors play a role in the process and outcome as well.

During conflict, a tendency is to focus more so on what you are trying to say – the point you are trying to prove in order to be right – rather than to communicate for the purpose of resolution and listen, in order to really understand what the other person is attempting to convey.

If we learn to be better active listeners, we may realize that there are common grounds we agree upon, more so than disagree. Also, it may give you the ability to “walk in their shoes,” if only for a moment, to best understand why they may feel as they do.

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Extending forgiveness non-verbally can be in the form of positive facial expressions, offering a smile, a hug or nodding that you understand and have compassion in the moment. Also, if we lack awareness of our facial expressions and bodily gestures, it can translate as aggression and cause even more conflict to occur.

It has been found throughout various research studies, that colors, sounds and lighting can affect moods and therefore, effect interactions. These are elements which we often have control over, so it may be worth evaluating your environment to see if initial mood and positive energy can be improved prior to conflict initiating all together.

Relationships are a process of give and take. Trying to be right all the time can be detrimental and thinking there is a right and wrong can set couples off track fast. Sometimes, the best resolution is a blend of ideas that come out of tension and initial conflict. Take the time to communicate and try not to give up in moments of fluster and frustration.

Conflict can play a positive role if you let it help you boost your communication effectiveness and propel your relationship to new heights. Just like failures along the road to success, conflict can aid as a new birth for discussing greater ways to live in harmony through the process of renegotiation and in better understanding the people you love the most.

Thank you for following and sharing iflourish.

blackBLOGO-coral-grey-beigeFor additional support or consulting services, feel free to contact Katya Juliet through her business website, Buzzword-Consulting. Buzzword Consulting offers affordable digital marketing services, consulting, copywriting & PR for small businesses, start-ups, entrepreneurs & non-profit Organizations. Get people Buzzing About Your Business!

Colorful Communication: Extending Your Emotional Vocabulary

By Katya Juliet

Last week I shared an introduction on neuroplasticity and how it relates to communication based off the work of Dr. Shad Hemstetter. Today, I wanted to follow-up with something semi-related: why words have the ability to change, help or hurt us so deeply.

You know how the saying goes:

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

Unfortunately, this is not the case and words we both say and hear can be extremely powerful triggers of emotion that can either help or hurt us in a single moment and repeatedly over time.

Words have been learned and wired in our brain and designed to trigger both emotions and previous experiences. When we hear a certain word or feedback that feels critical or hurtful, our brains reference from knowledge about that word as well as any past experiences we may have had with those words. Words have real world definitions, yes. But more importantly, they have personal meanings and definitions from which we cannot escape.

emotions-21994

From a neurological perspective, if we tend to repeat things back to ourselves over and over on a subconscious level in our brain, we are already feeling the effects of those words hundreds of thousands of times over. Additionally, our understanding of those words may be interpreted differently than intended by the speaker. These are some of the reasons why people begin to argue in relationships. When they misinterpret information exchanged, it could be tone or context related, but many times it can be because that individual receiving the words in feedback form has had a previous experience with those words and decided that they are either positive or negative and reacts accordingly.

Words are also used differently in different cultures. Just as social norms vary, different cultures say things in ways that may feel critical or threatening to another and therefore, it is important to be as clear and precise in pinpointing what you are really trying to say as often as you can.

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The best way to start learning how to communicate with clarity and proper intention is to widen your emotional vocabulary. In general, if you think of words as crayons and communication as art – we are limiting what we can draw by only using a few colors out of our complete crayon box.

For example, when two people in a relationship are arguing, they may use common phrases like “I feel angry, hurt or sad.” But those are actually very broad umbrella words that often don’t even begin to scratch the surface of the emotion you are truly feeling at that moment. If you dig deeper – and use more colors – you realize that you are not actually feeling angry and sad, but rather rejected and afraid.

The more emotional vocabulary words you begin to use, the better you can communicate out with others and receive feedback without feeling the need to respond defensively. By using more of the colors in your crayon box, it can cause you in turn to ask others to also use more of theirs. Together, you may get to the root cause of your issue faster.

The idea is to grow and evolve in your relationships along with your emotional vocabulary and have a better understanding of yourself and feelings along the way. If you can communicate more clearly and more often, you may be able to stop future arguments all together and save relationships from eventual deterioration.

There are many resources available online to improve and extend your emotional vocabulary. To get started, here is one link for an example of how to learn more emotional vocabulary. Begin using them in your relationship discussions for better clarity and faster resolution right away and see if it makes a positive difference for you!

Thank you for following and sharing iflourish!

blackBLOGO-coral-grey-beigeFor additional support or consulting services, feel free to contact Katya Juliet through her business website, Buzzword-Consulting. Buzzword Consulting offers affordable digital marketing services, communication consulting, copywriting, PR & Social Media Management for small businesses, start-ups, entrepreneurs & non-profit Organizations. 

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Wake Up Tomorrow Stronger And Closer To Your Goals

By Katya Juliet

I absolutely loved this and had to share.

Recently, I have been writing about positive self-talk as a base to communicate and build stronger relationships with others. That includes relationships in the professional world. In business, we know just how important a skill it is to build lasting networking relationships that will help grow and evolve our businesses most effectively. To do this takes focus and dedication. I feel the article I am about to share with you is a great resource for anyone who is looking to refocus, rebalance and officially make positive progress within his or her busy professional lives.

How To Transform Your Life in 6 Minutes a Day, by Hal Elrod, was featured on Entrepreneur.com on 10/3/14. This article walks you through a wonderful new way to start your day, while getting in some of the most positive, self-affirming and personal development best practices out there today.

Click on the link to view entire article and detailed instructions. Here is an excerpt and overview of Elrod’s acronym “SAVERS”:

How To Transform Your Life in 6 Minutes a Day

But who has time for that, right? Luckily, there is a method to do it in as little as six minutes a day. Enter the life SAVERS, a sequence that combines the six most effective personal development practices known to man. While someone could invest hours on these practices, it only takes one minute for each — or six minutes total — to see extraordinary results. Just imagine if the first six minutes of every morning began like this:

  • Minute 1: S is for silence.

  • Minute 2: A is for Affirmations.

  • Minute 3. V is for visualization.

  • Minute 4. E is for exercise.

  • Minute 5. R is for reading.

Although we do see these same methods promoted by others, most of them emphasize putting in at least 30 minutes of journaling or reading at night, for example. Which is just a constant struggle for many of us as entrepreneurs, parents, and professionals because of the time element alone. The 30 minute + methods can be risky for two reasons. First, if we are unable to find that suggested amount of uninterrupted time, it can be easy to give up on self-improvement techniques and second, even the added stress of feeling like you have failed to accomplish one more thing can send one spiraling down a less productive or stagnant path. Don’t let that be you.

This 6 minute wake up routine may be the best way to finally transform your busy life and transcend your personal development. Want to wake up every day feeling stronger and closer to your goals? Take a look and see if this might be right for you!

Hal

 

TOPIC:

How To Transform Your Life in 6 Minutes a Day

Thank you for following and sharing iflourish. Have a beautiful day!

 

 

blackBLOGO-coral-grey-beigeFor additional support or consulting services, feel free to contact Katya Juliet through her business website, Buzzword-Consulting. Buzzword Consulting offers affordable digital marketing services, communication consulting, copywriting, PR & Social Media Management for small businesses, start-ups, entrepreneurs & non-profit Organizations. 

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An Introduction to Neuroplasticity and Communication

By Katya Juliet

Every moment of every day, your brain is changing and it is affecting your mind. Yes, your brain and your mind are two different things.

In my quest to better understand the power of positive vs. negative self-talk and its effect on both our daily life and physical brain, I stumbled upon acclaimed Author and Psychologist Dr. Shad Hemstetter’s two books What To Say When You Talk To Yourself and The Power of Neuroplasticity, both of which are absolutely incredible. I highly recommend them and will be writing, referencing and sharing concepts from them.

“You are creating, at this moment, the person you’re going to become tomorrow, and you are physically wiring that person into your brain.” – Dr. Shad Hemstetter

First off, I want to introduce the concept of Neuroplasticity and how it relates to communication. Neuroplasticity can be defined as: “The brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life.” More specifically, neural pathways and synapses change in response to the changes going on inside you and around you: behavior changes, the way you think or feel emotion as well as changes in your environment and even damage to your brain are all factors.

When we communicate and receive feedback with other people as well as with ourselves (both consciously and unconsciously) those brain changes are taking place simultaneously. Thus, how we communicate (tone, emotion, volume) and what we communicate (positive or negative) literally changes who we are physically, who we think we are mentally, and therefore, changes how we communicate in the future as well.

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As I mentioned before, our brains and our minds are not one the same. In Chapter 7 of The Power of Neuroplasticity, Dr. Hemstetter breaks down the way it works in four parts using a computer analogy that makes it pretty easy to understand.

Part 1 The Basic Computer: This represents your physical brain.

Part 2 The Software: This represents your neural pathways and circuits we call “programs.”

Part 3 The Computer Operator: This is you – the “you” that you’re aware of. This is your conscious, thinking mind,

Part 4 The Silent Controller: This is your brain on autopilot.

Lastly, your “Subconscious Mind” is your brain’s neurons silently firing. Which leads me to my concluding thought on the introduction of this topic. Ready for my deep-thought moment?

I was watching The Dr. Phil Show one afternoon (Haha, at least I admit it) and it was a show on Bullies and Bullying. In his council to a young woman, he mentioned that what one person may have only said to us one time can actually be repeated to ourselves, by ourselves, hundreds of thousands of times a day! In that moment it registered. How much of what I think I hear is actually being told to me by others and how much of it is me saying or repeating it to myself?

For example, when we argue with someone and say things like “you always say this” or “you always do that” and they adamently say that it’s not true – while we may actually feel that way – could it be possible that they did do or say it one, maybe two times, and because it impacted us so, we then continued to repeat it to ourselves, neurologically and unconsciously, the rest of “all the times”? Wow.

In later blogs, I will share more of Dr. Hemstetter’s work and methods he shares on how to learn to self-talk with more positivity and keep an overall healthier and more optimistic mindset. This topic is very fascinating and helpful to recognize that sometimes the way we self-talk and communicate may be making our own lives better or most likely, more challenging, and certainly causing impactful change to occur within our brains 24/7/365.

What are your thoughts on Neuroplasticity? Are you interested in learning more?

blackBLOGO-coral-grey-beigeFor additional support or consulting services, feel free to contact Katya Juliet through her business website, Buzzword-Consulting. Buzzword Consulting offers affordable digital marketing services, communication consulting, copywriting, PR & Social Media Management for small businesses, start-ups, entrepreneurs & non-profit Organizations. 

Get people Buzzing About Your Business!